I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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