i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
