But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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