I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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