I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize