Michael Bay diarrhea
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
