I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
