If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
