I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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