did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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