I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize