I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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