I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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