i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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