Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
