dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
