i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
