So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize