Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
