I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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