i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
