I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was a blind-side dick pic.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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