I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
