youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
