I skipped work to stalk him.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
