Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
