she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
