Sponge bath it is.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
