i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
