I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
