3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
