so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
