Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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