Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
