He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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