How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
