It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize