Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
