her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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