he wants to bone in the snuggie
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
