You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
