Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
