honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
