hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
