Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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