i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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