State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She even gives head with a lisp.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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