I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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