Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
