I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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