Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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