Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
