Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize