your thong is hanging out like whoa
We need to rekindle our bromance
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
