No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
