anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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