I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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