I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
