Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
