I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
