Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
