Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
