They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
