I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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