he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
