Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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