Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
