i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Randomize
