As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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