WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
