During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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