he puts the penis in happiness.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
