wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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