My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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