Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
