How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
