All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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